HAH!

two scores in one day.

first!
afroshekwan, the fucktarded racist bastard that i posted previously, was taken off for violating xanga's TOS.

there IS a higher power, and it said "SHUT THE FUCK UP."


second!

on the way to work today, there was a dirty purple honda civic, i'm guessing it was a 96.

it had a poorly tinted back window with a decal that said something like "caliskats" or something equally "hardcore" and gay across the back.

i was on Cherry Street, getting close to Fremont Blvd, when i met this guy on my left hand side. i was going at a fairly good clip, 45 mph or so, when we come to a slight bend to the left.

i'm going maybe 5 mph faster than he is when we actually hit the bend.

caliskat starts drifting into my lane, so i give two blips of the horn just to let him know that he's coming into my lane. i can hear the thumping from his tire being on the separator.

you know what this guy does?

he stomps on his gas, matches my speed and crosses even further into my lane!

i just keep driving, figuring if he collides with me, i'm just going to get some money out of this stupid ricer's wallet.

he continues to put his foot down on the gas, and pulls ahead a little bit and tries to cut me off.

except he's too close and he'll actually hit my car.

so he swerves back into his lane, and then waits a little bit until he's got some headway before swerving into my lane.

at least he was nice enough to signal. i guess that's to legally cover your ass for "not cutting someone off, but to change lanes," just inches from my car.

now here's the funny part.

this particular morning, i'm listening to select songs from the Katamari Damacy OST. And I'm listening to "Katamari on the Rock".

if ANY of you have played the game and listened to the music, you KNOW that it feels empowering.

but here's the kicker:

it makes you feel empowered with a GIANT FUCKING GRIN PLASTERED ON YOUR FACE.

so i actually giggle and LAUGH, and downshift my car to 2nd gear (good ol' automatic...lol.), switch to the passing lane, and just gun it to pass him.
i take a quick glance over at the driver.

here's a description for the Justice Police out there:

white caucasian male
brown hair that's like he shaved his head but grew it out over the past month and a half.
probably 25 or so
horrible complexion with pockmarked face

and as i pass him, guess what?

I HAVE A HUGE FUCKING GRIN PLASTERED TO MY FACE.

THANK YOU KATAMARI!

God, if it wasn't already funny enough, I hit the chorus of the song, which is...well....descriptively:

"na naaaa na na na na na na na na na na na naaaa"

and i now have an even bigger grin on my face.

now i'm just a goddamned menace.

i switch into his lane because i gotta make a right turn onto Fremont Blvd.

and then i stop at the intersection, but because it's red, i don't make a turn.
however, no traffic is oncoming.

so just as i was about to go, the purple civic starts honking his horn at me like crazy.

"BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP"

....

But the thing is, i still have a huge grin on my face and i just flip the volume on my sound system higher and i do something I never would normally do.

....

i danced in my car.

i swear to god, i danced in my car. my hands were up, and it just felt so right.



clearly, the guy was pissed, and tried to get around me on the left, and when i saw that, i took off, cutting him off again.

and here was the icing on top of the cake.

a cop just so happened to be coming through the intersection and he saw what the guy was doing, and after i took off, i heard the sirens and lights go on and pull him over.






i walked into my office whistling "Katamari on the Rock" and the biggest grin EVER.

ahhh...solar...what'd i do without you?

good ol' solar, f.k.a. hussainomatic.blogspot.com

bless your cynical sarcastic bastard heart.

Emo Kid
Seriously, cheer up, emo-kid. You're so emo it hurts the wrists. Your power-blue iPod mini filled with Joy Division and Sunny Day Real Estate and whateve else does not make me feel bad for you. Neither does your Cure shirt or your freakish Robert Smith style mascara. It works for Billie Joe Armstrong and Robert Smith and that's about it. You sit in the back of the room every time. You never participate. You get C's and don't care. At first I thought, man, this kid really has some issues. Maybe a bad home or something. Then I found your LiveJournal through facebook. Oh yeah, I have that much free time. Your overcontrasted webcam photos only further your emo power. Oh no, your dad is too busy with his investment banking job to come help you move into your brand new furnished single apartment half a block from campus? Boo freaking hoo. I know, I know, growing up in Laguna Beach around those "waterpolo bastards" must be tough. Far be it from me to critique you. But, word of advice, at least be funny or sarcastic or witty or something. Like Seth, from the O.C. I know you "don't watch the O.C.," but c'mon. You watch it. You know what I'm talking about.


The Supereager Wannabe Academic Superstar
This guy is in all my morning classes too. Always wakes up super early and gets to class on time. Busts out his PDA or giant datebook and starts making sure he's on task today. Also has a 30 pound laptop that he carries around to take notes in class. In that lecture of 500 people? Yeah he's the one asking the professor to go back a slide when we have 4 minutes left in class and we thought we were done. The AIM profile for this wunderkind has something inspirational like a quote from JFK (yeah, do shit for my country, got it) or Ghandi (change the world, got it) or K-Ci and JoJo or whatever. Sometimes it'll say something like "4.0! Gotta Keep Trucking!" or something like that. Anyway, the SWAS is always the guy who's bantering with the teacher before class, asking him how the weekend went. Tries to talk to people around him, all of whom don't care because its 8am and we just made the walk of shame straight to class.

So I wouldn't hate this guy. Really, I got nothing against a desire for knowledge. But DAMN, why is this guy invariably just a few cards short of a deck. A few dimes short of a dollar. A few whores short of a brothel. You get my drift. There's nothing wrong with knowing your limitations buddy. I know you work for Cutco or 2 by 2 or whatever and thats "about to make it big for you," but seriously man, its a pyramid scheme. I'm gonna come out and say it. You're being duped, you're never going to get your RX-8, you should get a real job for once in your life, you'll probably never be rich, the business curve is probably going to kick your ass, and well, refer to the whores analogy up there.



The 24 Year Old
This guy pisses me off more than most people. Which is impressive, I know. But why? Because you sucked in high school, went straight to work at some manufacturing company on their assembly line, then went to some community college and now you're at USC, and YOU THINK YOU ARE A GOD AMONGST MEN. Seriously asshole, working in assembly line and "starting your own shipping company soon" does not make you so much better than me. You really have no right to be acting like you're sooo smart and amazing. Listen jerkface, if you're so smart, what are you doing in my freshman level business class. If you're so smart, why aren't you rocketing to fame with your business skills. If you're so cool, why are you wearing the same shirt you wore for the past three days. I duno man, explain these things to me. You thrive on the idiots in class who freaking ask you for advice. You're 4 years older than most of these people! You should be buying them liquor, not dishing out advice on how to get ahead. So my two words of advice for you, old fogey bastard? Change your shirt and stop being a condescending dick. God damn.


The "Society Is Against Me Because of My Race" Guy
Every class about ethnic studies or social science class has one of these nimrods. Sometimes their black or mexican or indian or whatever. But no matter what the race, society hates this guy. I mean damn, this guy was walking down the street and the feds came and stuffed a tazer down his pants and lit him on fire before confining him to the trunk of a police car filled with pirhanas and chloroform. This guy has it BAD. And you'll never stop hearing about how bad this guy has it. Got pullled over for going 100+ on the highway? Race issue. Got kicked out of a convenience store for walking in with a giant jacket,a backpack, and a shirt that says "I STEAL FROM CONVENIENCE STORES"?, race issue.

Yeah man, this country has race problems. We all go through em. Sometimes we tell stories when appropriate in class. But, for fucks sake, don't bring this shit up every day all the time. You always sit in your little ethnic enclave of people just like you in one side of the room. Branch out man. Talk to "whitey." They might not be so bad.

Oh, and tell "I know every black person at this school and that just means the school is racist for not having enough black people," girl to shutup. You don't know every black person. Why would you even say that.

sorry for the intermission

i started to work and you know how you get when when you go to work at 8:45 in the morning and come home at 6pm-7pm every night.

you get tired is what.

but okay, on with the reason for posting.


This guy REALLY pisses me off.

this guy only further stereotypes african americans, and i'm sure some neo-nazi kkk guy out there is raring to have a go at this guy.

REALLY NOW, AFROSHEKWAN.

Make a strong argument for yourself by not supporting serial killers.

And really..."Brothaz (prolly falsly) Charged in Missing Teenage Girl Case
Friends and family hope [cracka hoe] is still alive."

You, my friend, only encourage racism.

I could go on and on about you...for a very long time.

By why waste my time on people like you?

You're only going to get lost to the sands of time.

Good luck. You're DEFINITELY going to need it.

coach carter review...sir.

if you like basketball, watch this movie.

if you like watching underdogs, watch this movie.

if you like being from the bay area, watch this movie.

like seriously.

in terms of sports movies, this movie has literally taken the place of Remember the Titans.

this movie was just a GOOD movie. it's a movie about the game. it's a movie about the people. it's also a movie about life.

there's a reason why people raved about this movie.

i'm raving. stark raving.

AUGH, GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT!

I SWEAR TO GOD.

BUSH IS A FUCKING IDIOT.

i don't care how much you love Bush, it's just....

JUST CALL IT FUCKING CREATIONISM YOU ASSHAT MONKEY!!

jesus fucking christ. i'm going to sleep.

the dog days of summer

literally.

while gary, ting2, jeff and i were enroute to bill's house to watch back to the future, we came upon and black labrador.



let's just say she's really friendly. don't let that big dog smile fool your gullible ass.



her thought process must've been like this:

oooh. there's a guy i've never seen before.
i'm going to bound right up to him.
yeap. here we go.
okay.
good.
next, i'm going to give him a good signature greeting.
what's a bitch like me supposed to do?
I KNOW.
i'll plant my fucking wet nose and sloppy mouth INTO HIS CROTCH.

and as such, i got a giant wet dog nose and tongue right into my crotch.

jeanne and fallon got to hear the bitching.

i secretly like the attention to my crotch.

other than constantly backing up and pushing her off me, the dog was very friendly and cool.

so was gary. what a good sport...



until jeff called me after the evening was over and basically told me that he got the ass end of the deal when his dad came home super pissed off about keeping a barking dog in the back yard.
we tried calling the animal shelter, but they're only open 4 days out of the 7.
we tried calling animal rescue or support, but they're also only open 4 days out of the 7.
we tried calling the PD and they tried calling the owners, but the owners were out. or were just bitches. or all of the above.

basically, we tried to food and water the dog before we let it set off again. not much else we can do.


on another note...

when i came home, my dog was all over me, his nose firmly planted on my legs and shorts.

as a result, i got some good pictures. HA!


Jon 1, Dog 0.

jay?!

jay chou?!

jay chou in a movie?!

jay chou in a live action move?!?

jay chou in a live action initial d movie?!?!

jay chou in a live action initial d movie with acting?!?!

jay chou in a live action initial d movie with horrible acting?!?!?

jay chou in a live action initial d movie with horrible acting and an idiot?!

jay chou in a live action initial d movie with horrible acting and an idiotic looking character?!?!

jay chou in a live action initial d movie with horrible acting and an idiotic looking character with a bowl cut?!?!?


oh my god, step right in!


okay. okay.


in all kidding aside, it wasn't horrible. it was fairly entertaining for what it was.
however, jay should stay in the music department. his acting didn't even have any effort in it.

then again, he is the richest man in taiwan.

....HUH.

so it is true.

money can buy you a live action intial d movie!

why?!

why, oh why, is Melinda so hot?!



god, i usually don't have a thing for blondes, but this girl, holy crap.

i like cuddling after sex.

however, this man doesn't.

apparently this man murdered his wife with a fucking claw hammer when she wanted to cuddle.

he wanted to watch tv.

she wanted to cuddle.

*MURDER MURDER*

..........

ladies, i am available.

for cuddling, sex or both.

so. much. fun.

www.peekaboom.org

SO.

MUCH.

FUN.

minnesota's going to get overrun by crime in about 15 years.

Read this.

Amazing isn't it?

Wisconsin hates rape victims in addition to the people who have casual sex. Or just have sex.

This article just makes me pissed off. What does Wisconsin want Wisconsonionites to do, wrap their dick in a plastic bag? Saran Wrap?

Maybe next they'll outlaw anything you can use to protect yourself during sex.

Oh, Saran Wrap....I'll miss you.

DO IT! DO IT NOW!

I'm desperately trying to do two of two things:

1) find out when Season 4 of 24 comes out on DVD.
2) download all the episodes of Season 4 of 24.

like a crack addict that needs his fix, I need 24.

NOW.

movies...movies...and more movies...

Constantine.

now this movie, was cool.

granted Keanu Reeves is still in the "I-must-save-the-world-because-I-am-its-last-line-of-defense" role again, but who cares?

he did that in:

Johnny Mnemonic
Chain Reaction
The Devil's Advocate
The Matrix
The Matrix Reloaded
The Matrix Revolutions
and the Replacements

Well, maybe not the Replacements, but he had to save the football team, which can be counted as the world during FOOTBALL SEASON, RIGHT KATHERINE?!

So why should Keanu's role be any different in Constantine?

It shouldn't. And that's why he's our last line of defense.

Why did I like this movie? It boils down to the fact that we're smack in the middle of Heaven and Hell.

Cool idea. Not new, but cool.

See it if you want to see people on fire.

Besides, if you've watched Constantine, you can draw parallels to movies like Dogma as well.

Oh, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. when will you get old?


Ladder 49

I don't have too much to say about this movie. it's definitely one of those homage movies to the FDNY.

It was definitely entertaining, and in the beginning I would've recommended people to watch it...but now that I think about it...it's just okay. If you like watching Joaquin Phoenix...get trapped in flames...(ha. ha. ha.) then you should check it out. Otherwise, use your own discretion.

See it if you want to see people on fire.

Oh yeah, if you like John Travolta and short boxers, you should check it out too.


The Stepford Wives

Unless you fantasize about sleeping with a short haired, powerfully dominating, extreme fem-power Nicole Kidman, you should avoid this one.

At all costs.

Unless you also masturbate to Matthew Broderick. Then you'll want to watch for his boyish charms.


Hotel Rwanda

Moving, moving film. I like Don Cheadle, and his acting carries here.
It's kind of like watching Schindler's List, but set in Rwanda.
With black people and a hotel.

Sorry, I just ruined the movie.


Hostage

BRUCE WILLIS IN A ROLE ABOUT SAVING PEOPLE'S LIVES, WHAT A SURPRISE!
Entertaining, but not much else.

See it if you want to see people on fire.


Assault on Precinct 13

Ethan Hawke reprises his role from Training Day as Jake.

OKaY, I lied. Different Jake, but a Jake nonetheless.

Morpheus is there too. Just not as cool

See it if you want to see people on fire.



You think I'm kidding when I say "See it if you want to see people on fire."

WELL I'M NOT.

go fly a kite. literally.

sunday was the Berkeley kite festival, and i have to admit, it was pretty fun to watch even though i went with my parents.

it was a pain having to find parking, and not only that, but as soon as we got to parking, ROTARY was there collecting "donations" for parking and shuttle rides into the festival.

Of course, that just meant that they were conning us into giving them money when we didn't have to give them money at all. 4 Dollars for a shuttle ticket when the shuttle driver asked us when I gave him the ticket: "What? I have to collect tickets?"

Fucking ROTARY. Go to Hell. Post on Hell coming up soon.

When we got there...

well, look for yourself.

(to set precedence, captions are above pictures from now on.)

look at all the kites!?



and look at this guy. holy crap he's HUGE!


that thing's like 20 feet wide!

if you think that's crazy, wait until they're in formation!



mao! i mean, meow.



this guy is being dragged along by a parasail looking kite. you just can't see it, but he was going PRETTY DAMN FAST.















never saw super long colorful tails on a stunt kite until today. and look what he can do!















and lastly this man.


This man flies three kites AT ONE TIME.

He has two of his kites on each hand, and the remaining lines attached to his belt loops on his pants.

and he makes them fly in formation,



and effectively, steals from the Blue Angels.



The guy was incredibl...

..y dark skinned, holy crap. it was like looking at the old man and the sea from hemingway...

apparently this man is also lucky if he makes a total of 14 hours at home. he's been on the road for so long, he doesn't even remember where he lives. he also jokes that his alzheimer's is setting in too. he then gave me hearty laugh and then left.

yeah.

if you have a chance, i would suggest going next year. it's fun to watch, TONS of kites.
aside from parking, entrance is free.

i give it a 4/5!