ahhh...solar...what'd i do without you?
good ol' solar, f.k.a. hussainomatic.blogspot.com
bless your cynical sarcastic bastard heart.
Emo Kid
Seriously, cheer up, emo-kid. You're so emo it hurts the wrists. Your power-blue iPod mini filled with Joy Division and Sunny Day Real Estate and whateve else does not make me feel bad for you. Neither does your Cure shirt or your freakish Robert Smith style mascara. It works for Billie Joe Armstrong and Robert Smith and that's about it. You sit in the back of the room every time. You never participate. You get C's and don't care. At first I thought, man, this kid really has some issues. Maybe a bad home or something. Then I found your LiveJournal through facebook. Oh yeah, I have that much free time. Your overcontrasted webcam photos only further your emo power. Oh no, your dad is too busy with his investment banking job to come help you move into your brand new furnished single apartment half a block from campus? Boo freaking hoo. I know, I know, growing up in Laguna Beach around those "waterpolo bastards" must be tough. Far be it from me to critique you. But, word of advice, at least be funny or sarcastic or witty or something. Like Seth, from the O.C. I know you "don't watch the O.C.," but c'mon. You watch it. You know what I'm talking about.
The Supereager Wannabe Academic Superstar
This guy is in all my morning classes too. Always wakes up super early and gets to class on time. Busts out his PDA or giant datebook and starts making sure he's on task today. Also has a 30 pound laptop that he carries around to take notes in class. In that lecture of 500 people? Yeah he's the one asking the professor to go back a slide when we have 4 minutes left in class and we thought we were done. The AIM profile for this wunderkind has something inspirational like a quote from JFK (yeah, do shit for my country, got it) or Ghandi (change the world, got it) or K-Ci and JoJo or whatever. Sometimes it'll say something like "4.0! Gotta Keep Trucking!" or something like that. Anyway, the SWAS is always the guy who's bantering with the teacher before class, asking him how the weekend went. Tries to talk to people around him, all of whom don't care because its 8am and we just made the walk of shame straight to class.
So I wouldn't hate this guy. Really, I got nothing against a desire for knowledge. But DAMN, why is this guy invariably just a few cards short of a deck. A few dimes short of a dollar. A few whores short of a brothel. You get my drift. There's nothing wrong with knowing your limitations buddy. I know you work for Cutco or 2 by 2 or whatever and thats "about to make it big for you," but seriously man, its a pyramid scheme. I'm gonna come out and say it. You're being duped, you're never going to get your RX-8, you should get a real job for once in your life, you'll probably never be rich, the business curve is probably going to kick your ass, and well, refer to the whores analogy up there.
The 24 Year Old
This guy pisses me off more than most people. Which is impressive, I know. But why? Because you sucked in high school, went straight to work at some manufacturing company on their assembly line, then went to some community college and now you're at USC, and YOU THINK YOU ARE A GOD AMONGST MEN. Seriously asshole, working in assembly line and "starting your own shipping company soon" does not make you so much better than me. You really have no right to be acting like you're sooo smart and amazing. Listen jerkface, if you're so smart, what are you doing in my freshman level business class. If you're so smart, why aren't you rocketing to fame with your business skills. If you're so cool, why are you wearing the same shirt you wore for the past three days. I duno man, explain these things to me. You thrive on the idiots in class who freaking ask you for advice. You're 4 years older than most of these people! You should be buying them liquor, not dishing out advice on how to get ahead. So my two words of advice for you, old fogey bastard? Change your shirt and stop being a condescending dick. God damn.
The "Society Is Against Me Because of My Race" Guy
Every class about ethnic studies or social science class has one of these nimrods. Sometimes their black or mexican or indian or whatever. But no matter what the race, society hates this guy. I mean damn, this guy was walking down the street and the feds came and stuffed a tazer down his pants and lit him on fire before confining him to the trunk of a police car filled with pirhanas and chloroform. This guy has it BAD. And you'll never stop hearing about how bad this guy has it. Got pullled over for going 100+ on the highway? Race issue. Got kicked out of a convenience store for walking in with a giant jacket,a backpack, and a shirt that says "I STEAL FROM CONVENIENCE STORES"?, race issue.
Yeah man, this country has race problems. We all go through em. Sometimes we tell stories when appropriate in class. But, for fucks sake, don't bring this shit up every day all the time. You always sit in your little ethnic enclave of people just like you in one side of the room. Branch out man. Talk to "whitey." They might not be so bad.
Oh, and tell "I know every black person at this school and that just means the school is racist for not having enough black people," girl to shutup. You don't know every black person. Why would you even say that.
bless your cynical sarcastic bastard heart.
Emo Kid
Seriously, cheer up, emo-kid. You're so emo it hurts the wrists. Your power-blue iPod mini filled with Joy Division and Sunny Day Real Estate and whateve else does not make me feel bad for you. Neither does your Cure shirt or your freakish Robert Smith style mascara. It works for Billie Joe Armstrong and Robert Smith and that's about it. You sit in the back of the room every time. You never participate. You get C's and don't care. At first I thought, man, this kid really has some issues. Maybe a bad home or something. Then I found your LiveJournal through facebook. Oh yeah, I have that much free time. Your overcontrasted webcam photos only further your emo power. Oh no, your dad is too busy with his investment banking job to come help you move into your brand new furnished single apartment half a block from campus? Boo freaking hoo. I know, I know, growing up in Laguna Beach around those "waterpolo bastards" must be tough. Far be it from me to critique you. But, word of advice, at least be funny or sarcastic or witty or something. Like Seth, from the O.C. I know you "don't watch the O.C.," but c'mon. You watch it. You know what I'm talking about.
The Supereager Wannabe Academic Superstar
This guy is in all my morning classes too. Always wakes up super early and gets to class on time. Busts out his PDA or giant datebook and starts making sure he's on task today. Also has a 30 pound laptop that he carries around to take notes in class. In that lecture of 500 people? Yeah he's the one asking the professor to go back a slide when we have 4 minutes left in class and we thought we were done. The AIM profile for this wunderkind has something inspirational like a quote from JFK (yeah, do shit for my country, got it) or Ghandi (change the world, got it) or K-Ci and JoJo or whatever. Sometimes it'll say something like "4.0! Gotta Keep Trucking!" or something like that. Anyway, the SWAS is always the guy who's bantering with the teacher before class, asking him how the weekend went. Tries to talk to people around him, all of whom don't care because its 8am and we just made the walk of shame straight to class.
So I wouldn't hate this guy. Really, I got nothing against a desire for knowledge. But DAMN, why is this guy invariably just a few cards short of a deck. A few dimes short of a dollar. A few whores short of a brothel. You get my drift. There's nothing wrong with knowing your limitations buddy. I know you work for Cutco or 2 by 2 or whatever and thats "about to make it big for you," but seriously man, its a pyramid scheme. I'm gonna come out and say it. You're being duped, you're never going to get your RX-8, you should get a real job for once in your life, you'll probably never be rich, the business curve is probably going to kick your ass, and well, refer to the whores analogy up there.
The 24 Year Old
This guy pisses me off more than most people. Which is impressive, I know. But why? Because you sucked in high school, went straight to work at some manufacturing company on their assembly line, then went to some community college and now you're at USC, and YOU THINK YOU ARE A GOD AMONGST MEN. Seriously asshole, working in assembly line and "starting your own shipping company soon" does not make you so much better than me. You really have no right to be acting like you're sooo smart and amazing. Listen jerkface, if you're so smart, what are you doing in my freshman level business class. If you're so smart, why aren't you rocketing to fame with your business skills. If you're so cool, why are you wearing the same shirt you wore for the past three days. I duno man, explain these things to me. You thrive on the idiots in class who freaking ask you for advice. You're 4 years older than most of these people! You should be buying them liquor, not dishing out advice on how to get ahead. So my two words of advice for you, old fogey bastard? Change your shirt and stop being a condescending dick. God damn.
The "Society Is Against Me Because of My Race" Guy
Every class about ethnic studies or social science class has one of these nimrods. Sometimes their black or mexican or indian or whatever. But no matter what the race, society hates this guy. I mean damn, this guy was walking down the street and the feds came and stuffed a tazer down his pants and lit him on fire before confining him to the trunk of a police car filled with pirhanas and chloroform. This guy has it BAD. And you'll never stop hearing about how bad this guy has it. Got pullled over for going 100+ on the highway? Race issue. Got kicked out of a convenience store for walking in with a giant jacket,a backpack, and a shirt that says "I STEAL FROM CONVENIENCE STORES"?, race issue.
Yeah man, this country has race problems. We all go through em. Sometimes we tell stories when appropriate in class. But, for fucks sake, don't bring this shit up every day all the time. You always sit in your little ethnic enclave of people just like you in one side of the room. Branch out man. Talk to "whitey." They might not be so bad.
Oh, and tell "I know every black person at this school and that just means the school is racist for not having enough black people," girl to shutup. You don't know every black person. Why would you even say that.
posted by arc at 10:26 PM
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